tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33448492024-03-13T23:50:15.331-04:00cognitive karaoke "It is what it is".Juanolatorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01615850493069256437noreply@blogger.comBlogger307125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3344849.post-8371736822044391802023-03-10T16:33:00.007-05:002023-03-11T03:15:45.976-05:00Weeee're baaack.....<p>OK it's been <b>eight wonderful years</b> since I abandoned this blog in favor of a more holistic approach to social interaction. That dream has now died.</p><p>Recently my FB account got hacked & disabled and FB doesn't want to hear about my complaints (if you know a good way to address this with them, this is your time to shine).<br /><br />While I get this act together again, and to celebrate the Phoenix-like re-rising of <u>cognitive karaoke</u>, there is this:</p><p><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zC4FJ9MGNgw">https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zC4FJ9MGNgw</a></p>Juanolatorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01615850493069256437noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3344849.post-49624197139262898872015-06-30T02:17:00.000-04:002015-06-30T17:17:21.779-04:00Let's salute the Bucket GuyIn today's news there was an update on the sea migration into Italy from troubled points east and south.<br />
<br />
There was a few seconds of footage of the topside of one of the rescue vessels, and the hazmat suit-wearing figure of what I will call the Bucket Guy.<br />
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Like the Bag Man of the <a href="http://topics.nytimes.com/top/news/international/countriesandterritories/china/tiananmen-square/index.html" target="_blank">famous Tian An Men Square photograph</a>, which seems to stop tanks with the sheer force of his shopping bag's will, the Bucket Guy must make his rounds.<br />
<br />
Be it in the full, judging glare of the noonday sun, or as a clumsy altercations by flashlight at midnight,<br />
<br />
He must find his way through the huddled crowd amassed atop his vessel, and, upon demand, turn himself into a human toilet.<br />
<br />
This is a small but important task since (a) they can't allow the shipboard facilities to be overwhelmed by the sheer numbers, and (b) they can't have people defecating over the ship's edge as a matter of safety, and (c) they probably want to gather specimens from sick people.<br />
<br />
Today we salute thee.<br />
<br />
<br />Juanolatorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01615850493069256437noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3344849.post-19830602976493545832015-03-16T15:04:00.002-04:002015-03-16T15:04:12.474-04:00Faces On, or Off?<div style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19.3199996948242px; margin-bottom: 6px; margin-top: 6px;">
A <a href="http://xkcd.com/1499/">one-panel</a> by Randall Munroe.</div>
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I think the Argentinian cartoonist Quino might have been able to pull this off without the need for the explanatory caption. He would have done it simply through the horrified expression in the dining companion's face. Such was his genius.</div>
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Interestingly, it is Munroe's genius that enables him to convey equally pithy sentiments without the use of faces AT ALL (although not so much in this particular example). A stick figure shrugging its shoulders pathetically is truly a sight to behold.</div>
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I wrote to him (Munroe) some years ago to ask him about his preference for omitting faces. I asked him in the context of prosophagnosia (the inability to recognize or process faces and facial expressions) and how that is one of the symptoms of Asperger's.Syndrome, among other traits he manifests. He told me he didn't have Asperger's, but that his brother does. I suppose I was partly right in my guess.</div>
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A good example of Quino at work, for comparison:</div>
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Juanolatorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01615850493069256437noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3344849.post-27239852884746857962014-09-12T20:42:00.000-04:002014-09-13T00:28:58.114-04:00Dear Comedy CentralDear Comedy Central (help@cc.com),<br />
<br />
I would like to start out by saying I'm a fan of Mr. Devine's comedy, and rather enjoy Workaholics. I think it's a quality, broad-humor show with a brainy streak in the vein of classics like The Three Stooges and Cheech & Chong, and I look forward to viewing more episodes in the future. I also would like to make the point that I don't shirk from rough comedy; in fact, I revel in the stuff.
<br />
<br />
However, I think the choice to use a gun (with fired blanks, apparently) at the end of the "Adam Killed a Man" episode of "Adam Devine's House Party" was unfortunate. I found particularly egregious his pointing the gun for comedic effect (a) at two police officers he was holding hostage, (b) at the (obviously shocked) crowd present, then (c) at his own face.
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-vu1RtFq9d44/VBOQhTcYkcI/AAAAAAAAC7o/ds6o5BzLL9w/s1600/20140912_203002_West%2BEnd%2BAve.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-vu1RtFq9d44/VBOQhTcYkcI/AAAAAAAAC7o/ds6o5BzLL9w/s1600/20140912_203002_West%2BEnd%2BAve.jpg" height="180" width="320" /></a>
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<br />
<br />
<br />
I do understand that the pointing of guns is widely used on TV programs, but there is usually a psychological wall separating the violence in drama/cop/thriller shows and comedy programming (just as The Daily Show gets away with certain types of editorializing because the network that puts it on the air has the word "comedy" in its name, unlike, say, Sean Hannity, whose network awkwardly includes the word "news" in its name).
<br />
<br />
Further complicating things, it seems the conceit of "Adam Devine's House Party" to be that it's a pseudo-reality show (as obviously scripted as it may be), where a real-life Mr. Devine is hosting a party of sorts at his house (which also has a theater in it?), and that some of his guests have been invited to perform their stand-up comedy acts. Eliminating the "fourth wall", in this sense, opens up some comedic possibilities to be sure, but also brings with it the need for extra responsibility since what it portrays can be taken to be more "real" by some viewers, even if they still think of it as scripted comedy in general. Try to think like a 10-year-old on this one.<br />
<br />
Please note that my comment is NOT about the episode in general, its murderous plot, the fact that Mr. Devine appeared on camera throughout the episode covered in blood while presenting the various acts (I actually thought that was pretty funny), or any other dramatic elements. I'm only referencing the gun as an object, and how it was used on-screen.<br />
<br />
This is a particularly sensitive matter when a comic actor of Mr. Devine's talents, which appeal mostly to younger viewers, can put the wrong idea in people's minds about what sort of thing is "funny" to do with your friends (something tells me that somebody, somewhere, at some point, mourned the cancellation of MTV's "Jackass", but I hope never to meet that person).
<br />
<br />
I would love to hear your thoughts on the matter. In particular I would like to hear that this uncomfortable choice is a single occurrence, and not a sign of where Mr. Devine plans to take his artistic sensibilities in the future. I sure would hate to miss any of it.
Juanolatorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01615850493069256437noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3344849.post-67397355277324728502014-07-25T18:46:00.002-04:002014-09-12T21:51:09.392-04:00Worst-Case ScenarioI'm often given pause by how casually some people use the phrase "worst-case scenario", and then proceed to describe some situation that is truly trivial. For example: "with some traffic, worst-case scenario we'll get to the party an hour late".<br />
<br />
The worst-case scenario, given everything that philosophy and science tells us about ourselves and the universe, would be the chance generation of a virus that infects the brains of human beings rendering them absolute hallucinatory schizophrenics. Driven only by their instinct to eat and reproduce, yet forever tormented by imagined pains, visions and horrors existing only in their own minds, our world would be bereft of all remnants of humanity, save for the shuffling, brutish walking dead.<br />
<br />
Some say this might have already happened, but at least in my version the rest of the universe is safe from us.<br />
<br />
And speaking of space flight....<br />
<br />
Are celebrity space boondoggles covered in real time by the media?<br />
<br />Juanolatorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01615850493069256437noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3344849.post-83565428326870433802014-01-03T16:47:00.003-05:002014-01-03T17:03:18.536-05:00Mr. Brooks, of The New York Times, has been there, and feels your pain<div>
<div>
<div>
<br /></div>
Do you sometimes get the impression that a member of the commentariat is forced to write a certain piece because
they lost a bar bet with their editor?<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.nytimes.com/2014/01/03/opinion/brooks-weed-been-there-done-that.html">http://www.nytimes.com/2014/01/03/opinion/brooks-weed-been-there-done-that.html</a></div>
<div>
<br />
To save you some reading, his argument, in the content of Colorado effectively ending pot prohibition as of Jan 1, boils down to the painfully familiar concept that people should be put in jail for smoking pot because <i>won't somebody please think of the children?? </i>The perversity of this coming from a member of the part of small government, ending the nanny state, etc, is plain.<br />
<br /></div>
<div>
On a related but more amusing note, I
still remember a latter-day piece by Christopher Hitchens, written in perfect earnest dead-pan, of his
experience going through a scalp-to-toes day spa treatment which I'm
SURE was a put-on by Vanity Fair editor Graydon Carter:</div>
<div>
</div>
</div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<a href="http://www.vanityfair.com/culture/features/2007/10/hitchens200710">http://www.vanityfair.com/culture/features/2007/10/hitchens200710</a><br />
<a href="http://www.vanityfair.com/culture/features/2007/10/hitchens200710"><img alt="http://www.vanityfair.com/culture/features/2007/10/hitchens200710/_jcr_content/par/cn_contentwell/par-main/cn_pagination_contai/cn_image.size.cuar01_hitchens0710.jpg" class="decoded" height="153" src="http://www.vanityfair.com/culture/features/2007/10/hitchens200710/_jcr_content/par/cn_contentwell/par-main/cn_pagination_contai/cn_image.size.cuar01_hitchens0710.jpg" width="200" /></a><br />
"No, really, I'm serious."</div>
Juanolatorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01615850493069256437noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3344849.post-43950319124666834402012-10-20T12:34:00.002-04:002012-10-20T12:34:42.646-04:00Fictitious Argument with Lewis BlackI'm going to see Lewis Black on stage tonight.<br /><br />If I ever get into an argument with Lewis Black it would probably go something like:<br /><br />Lewis: "Have you ever been to the jungle?"<br /><br />Me: "I was walking through the jungle one day with my mom and we bumped into a boa constrictor."<br /><br />Lewis: "Your MOM? My mom took me to the zoo!"<br /><br />Me: "Zoos are like a jungle, but with bathrooms."<br /><br />Then things would get a bit confused.<br /><br />Me: "'Hey, mom, look out, there's a boa constrictor', I would say." Then he would say: "That's nice dear."<br /><br />Lewis: "I don't know what kind of shit you're on, kid, but I like the cut of your jib. Why don't you slide off that boa you're riding on and get on the reality train?"<br /><br />Then there's ice cream. Did you know there's ice cream in the jungle?<br /><br /><br />Juanolatorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01615850493069256437noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3344849.post-18046314451553853852012-10-08T11:02:00.002-04:002012-10-08T11:02:42.300-04:00What would it take to get you to tell me where I'm going?Today's mini-rant:<br />
<br />
I need an easily-replaceable part for my car. It's a data update disc
for a dashboard GPS. It would take me ten minutes to swap, and it would
take them three hours at the dealer's garage and there's nothing to do
in that part of town so I would be bored.<br />
<br />
I can't buy it from my dealer and have it shipped to my house; not
allowed. I would have to pick it up (the dealer is not THAT
inconvenient to get to, but let's pretend it is).<br />
<br />
I also can't call the manufacturer corporation and have it sent direct
from them; not allowed. And neither party has a web site I can order it
from. Oh, and they won't tell me what the part # is; not allowed. So I
can't source it otherwise.<br />
<br />
So, they make this part / data disc, want to charge me money for it, I
WANT to give them money for it (so I know it's the latest version and
genuine), but they won't take my money at my convenience. I have to GO
somewhere and pick it up.<br />
<br />
I understand that car manufacturers have a "special relationship" with
their dealers in terms of parts and service (and some of it is
legitimate; new break pads should be installed properly etc), but, a
data disc for a GPS ? That's trivial. The worst that would happen is
you don't get to Chuck E. Cheese's on time for your nephew's
4th-birthday bar brawl.<br />
<br />
Again, I'm willing to PAY for it; just f*&@!@! SELL it to me and you
can split the money any way you want; I promise I won't sue!<br />
<br />
I just don't feel customer-serviced right now.Juanolatorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01615850493069256437noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3344849.post-85273054007896238922012-09-16T14:08:00.000-04:002012-09-16T14:08:20.631-04:00Sydney Harbour Scrape<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
Oh, why not.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Everybody knows everything I've done (including some police stations in
North Sydney, and Prague, of all places).</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The time is January of 1999.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Some things have changed, and some have stayed the same.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Here goes: It was the last day of a month-long work stint in
a boring office building in North Sydney (just across the Harbour Bridge from
Sydney proper) that I decided that as a farewell party to my short-term
co-workers I should get them good and soused.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So I announced over email that that evening we would gather
at my corporate-rented apartment, adjoining the water's edge of the North end
of Sydney Harbor, and have a drunken party.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>A sort of "all are welcome; none gets out alive"-kind of
affair.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am happy to report that all showed
up, and all got out alive.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But there was ... underwear swimming into Sydney Harbour to
the extent of reaching the chains of anchored yachts (about a quarter mile, in
the middle of the night).</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Now, for the second half of the story:</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It was around 4 am, after the irresponsibility had been
taken care of, and all had gone but me and a certain other, that the police
showed up.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A noise complaint from the
neighbours, of course.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I might have
gotten away with it if only I hadn’t left the stereo on too loud.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
When my "certain other" was asked to show up at
the door and present identification, and I went back inside to do the same, the
next thing I hear is "Stop! You can't do this! Don't you know who I am! Do
you know who my father is?!"<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Oh
boy.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Turns out that the UNcertain other flipped out his ID card
from his wallet a bit too quickly and nicked the policeman's cheek, and thus they
dragged him away from the doorway, filing it as assault.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In this instance, the police had no time for lineage.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I had to stay up the whole night, dig out a phone book just
to find out what police station he had been taken to, call a cab .. the whole
boy-scout bit.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I got him out of jail (barefoot;
he hadn't been wearing shoes at the time of the drag-off), and literally kicked
him on the ass as we walked off from the station.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So, the point of the story is:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Don't look for trouble, it's got your number
and it will find you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>(Also, when you
play with foolish boys, turn the music down).</div>
Juanolatorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01615850493069256437noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3344849.post-12947902192443245502012-07-16T02:50:00.001-04:002012-07-16T02:55:52.930-04:00The Time My Sister and I Were Held up at GunpointIt was the night of December 25 (going into the 26th), 1992. We had just left a family party, probably right after midnight.<br />
<br />
My sister and I were in my mother's car and we got a flat. Fairly run-of-the-mill trouble, really, just at the wrong place and the wrong time. So we pull into a closed-down gas station so we could use their air pump and re-inflate and get our asses home for the evening.<br />
<br />
As we're trying to address the situation this compact sedan with four guys screeches in from nowhere and the guy in the front-passenger seat bolts out and the first thing I think of is "why is that guy holding a toy gun?"<br />
<br />
Uh oh... that's not a toy gun.<br />
<br />
So he tells me to lay on the floor face down (on the oily greasy gas-station tarmac), tells my sister to back away and put her purse on the floor, tells me to take my wallet out of my back pocket and throw it at him (all complied with; don't argue with a guy with a gun, you will lose) and then .... they take a look-see ... and go away.<br />
<br />
I can't honestly recall what was in my wallet; I can tell you that my sister's purse didn't have much more than a stick of lipstick in it. I'm happy to report that both our brains were safely in our skulls as of later that night.<br />
<br />
The one bit of luck out of the situation is that my father at the time lived just a few blocks away so my panicked call to him resulted in quick help. He came; he re-inflated. He dragged us off and gave us shelter.<br />
<br />
He also gave me a bed in which to cry myself to sleep that night. There is no shame in feeling sorry about things.Juanolatorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01615850493069256437noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3344849.post-8892649201492111622012-06-18T21:13:00.000-04:002012-06-18T21:13:46.185-04:00I'm warming up to the standard punctuation form of the period being enclosed within a direct quote, as in:<br />
<br />
"This is what he said."<br />
<br />
... as opposed to<br />
<br />
"This is what he said".<br />
<br />
For many years I opted for the latter simply because it made more syntactical sense, coming from a computer programming background. I now understand that, if one is to quote someone directly, the statement, as a whole, should be completely enclosed within the quotes.<br />
<br />
Somewhere, E.B. White is giggling to himself and high-fiving some supernatural form of Strunk. But then "that's what they said.".<br />
<br />Juanolatorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01615850493069256437noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3344849.post-78643886581974766302012-03-25T10:46:00.002-04:002012-03-25T10:46:52.076-04:00The time Marvin Minksy and I had to wait for a car togetherHaving spectacularly failed in one school in seventh grade, I found myself in eighth grade ('87), and suddenly got swept into a corporate-sponsored whatthehelljusthappened of people in a large room, including<br />
<br />
A bank president, telling us about how magnetic ink technology, printed on checks, is all the hot shit<br />
<br />
and (get this)<br />
<br />
Marvin Minsky, telling us how the problem with artificial intelligence can be reduced to video camera-acquired optics of cubes with their vertices highlighted with black magic markers.<br />
<br />
(I probably made most up of the last part myself, but I was taking notes throughout the presentation, so somebody, SOMEWHERE, knows the truth)<br />
<br />
But, here's the thing...<br />
<br />
I can tell you what color shirt Marvin Minsky was wearing.<br />
<br />
He was wearing a yellow madras, threadbare, cotton, almost worn-through short-sleeve shirt. The kind of shirt your granpa wears when he doesn't care at all about what people say about what he was wearing; just that, at the end of the day, the one thing people will say about him is that he was wearing a shirt.<br />
<br />
I can also tell you there was a light drizzle for about twenty minutes as he and I both waited, afterward, for our rides to show up.Juanolatorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01615850493069256437noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3344849.post-48899219668920679242012-03-21T05:02:00.006-04:002012-03-21T05:05:41.422-04:00Emily Yoffe is a woman of many talentsThe best thing I read today, and I spent most of today reading, is the following:<br />
<br />
"<a href="http://www.slate.com/articles/news_and_politics/politics/2012/03/newt_gingrich_speaker_of_the_house_politicians_who_cling_to_their_old_titles_are_pretentious_incorrect_and_un_american_.html">You are not The Speaker</a>"Juanolatorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01615850493069256437noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3344849.post-12852921317615017282011-12-24T20:24:00.004-05:002011-12-24T20:33:58.917-05:00Kodak -- Two StoriesThere are two stories of a more-or-less personal nature that may help explain Kodak's <a href="http://investing.money.msn.com/investments/charts?symbol=US:EK#symbol=EK&event=&BB=off&CCI=off&EMA=off&FSO=off&MACD=off&MFI=off&PSAR=off&RSI=off&SMA=off&SSO=off&Volume=off&period=Custom&linetype=Line&scale=Auto&dates=1/1/1996,12/24/2011&comparelist=$indu,$">eventual demise</a>, coincidentally both occurring in 1996.<br />
<br />
But first, a fair warning that these are not the "oh boy you're gonna get a real knee-slap out of these" kind of stories. These are the kind of stories for those who read instruction manuals and find themselves impressed that the technical nature of the content is accurate and comprehensible, that the font usage and spelling is tended to, and that the love for the product from those who made it in the proverbial corporate basement manages to eek upwards through the floorboards somehow.<br />
<br />
<br />
<b>First story (this one not so personal):</b><br />
<br />
In 1996 Kodak released their first two consumer-level digital cameras. One of them was the DC25, featuring something as advanced as an LCD-based preview screen so if you didn't like the photo you had just taken you could immediately delete it, thus freeing up memory to take an additional photo. This was important since the on-board storage space (no memory cards of any sort allowed) only held twelve exposures at sub-VGA (493x373 pixels) resolution. I only mention these specs to give an idea of how primitive this device was, compared to current digital camera technology, and how far we've come.<br />
<br />
And how far we've come... That DC25 retailed for $600 and it was flying off the shelves, one of them right into my hands. Kodak was well on its way to dominate what would become a healthy, wealthy and (in their case) truly integrated market involving the manufacture of sophisticated hardware components, industrial product and software design, marketing, distribution, points-of-sale, and value-added services (print kiosks, professional-quality blow-ups, etc) where to this day some real cash can be made.<br />
<br />
Other, more sophisticated camera models with more storage space and features, were released in a few of the following years and then... they stopped.<br />
<br />
What did they do? What they did is they decided that the future of consumer-level photography was, and always would be, celluloid film. After all, the cost of a roll of film, and the subsequently necessary step of development services, would always be more profitable -- per exposure -- than digital. They also bet the farm that producing traditional film stock footage (for TV, movies and the like) was, and forever would be, the medium of choice.<br />
<br />
The rest of that, <a href="http://www.red.com/products">history</a>.<br />
<br />
<br />
<b>Second story (this one much more personal):</b><br />
<br />
I was a student at RIT in Rochester, NY (Kodak's home base) in 1996. I was assigned, as a class exercise in team work, to partner with a long-time Kodak employee and give follow-through to a professional-level implementation project from start to finish. Perform situation analysis, acquire specs, draw up a proposal, implement, deliver, etc.<br />
<br />
Here's what we came up with: Some years prior Kodak had developed internally their own flavor of what is known in the computer technology industry as an "expert system", in this case basically a simple structured text file-based database that allowed a user to, by answering a series of self-directed questions, arrive at the answer/solution/data he needed in order to get on with his work. The pre-existing architecture of this file format (which happened to be called "CCAG", but you could call it "Little Orphan Annie" if it at all suits you) is that each workstation needed to have installed on it (a) its own copy of the CCAG interpreter program, and (b) its own copy of the CCAG data file.<br />
<br />
Net problem: Every time the CCAG data file (or the interpreter program) needed to be updated the I.T. person would need to individually deploy to EACH WORKSTATION, off a floppy disk or the like, a new copy of one, the other, or both. For those old enough to remember such horrors, think back to having to update, say, network driver files, then updating config.sys etc, on EACH computer in your company or institution, one at a time, on what otherwise would have been a nice Saturday afternoon playing catch with your favorite imaginary dog.<br />
<br />
The solution I proposed was to write a WEB-based CCAG interpreter, so that the CCAG data file would exist, only once, on the web server, and the users would be able to access it using their web browsers through the web-based CCAG interpreter I had written. This way any improvements or edits to the CCAG file need only be done once, in one place, and all users would benefit from it instantaneously and simultaneously. This would not have required changing the format or syntax of their pre-existing CCAG data files, so all of their accumulated knowledge base could be leveraged as-is, and since everybody (yes, even as of 1996) at Kodak already had a Web browser, no additional software need be installed on the user workstations. No confusion, argument, or miscommunication.<br />
<br />
And so this I did implement. I presented the working system to my "client", who stared at it, pensively. "Uh... thanks", he said. "This works really well. Wow." He went away, back to do his job the way he always had been, and I never heard from him again, even after applying there for an internship that Summer. <br />
<br />
Every year I wonder less why I don't work at Kodak; one of life's little bullets dodged.Juanolatorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01615850493069256437noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3344849.post-44552719144186179002011-12-20T20:51:00.000-05:002011-12-20T20:51:01.054-05:00Dear MexicoThe problem with the War On Drugs is that it is the only, last way to make people want war. What a way to make jobs.<br />
<br />
As long as you play along, and force cartels to be cartels (because that is the only currently-viable way to move product), you are complicit in this travesty (either explicitly or implicitly; your choice).<br />
<br />
So, here's a modest proposal: Let us have it. Declare failure, and our "victory". "You win, we lose; suckers." <i>laissez faire </i>the fuck out of us. We take it up the ass through the border until we can't take any more. Problem solved. And we can all get back to the business of shoveling shit up our nose, but at least it will be real shit, and we won't have to lie about it, and people who didn't see it coming don't have to disappear.<br />
<br />
Or do you want a real war?Juanolatorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01615850493069256437noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3344849.post-7139932618549459502011-12-20T00:26:00.001-05:002011-12-20T00:28:25.965-05:00This, now, here, because we missed it beforeThe text, for you, as always, in <a href="http://history.hanover.edu/courses/excerpts/165havel.html">truth </a>and uncut.Juanolatorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01615850493069256437noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3344849.post-86204307558106935192011-12-18T23:34:00.002-05:002011-12-18T23:37:11.388-05:00My Dear AT&T<i>High Data Usage Alert</i><br />
<i>Dear JUAN [something],</i><br />
<i><br />
</i><br />
<i>Like other wireless companies, AT&T is taking steps to manage exploding demand for mobile data. We're responding on many levels, including investing billions in our wireless network this year and working to acquire more network capacity.</i><br />
<i><br />
</i><br />
<i>As mentioned on a previous bill, we're also taking additional, more immediate steps to help address network congestion and improve reliability. One of these steps involves a change for some customers who use extraordinarily large amounts of data in a single billing period - about 12 times more data than the average smartphone user.</i><br />
<i><br />
</i><br />
<i>For the current billing cycle, your data usage indicates you could be affected by this change. Here's how it works:</i><br />
<i><br />
</i><br />
<i>Smartphone customers with unlimited data plans may experience reduced speeds once their usage in a billing cycle reaches the level that puts them among the top 5 percent of heaviest data users. These customers can still use unlimited data and their speeds will be restored with the start of the next billing cycle.</i><br />
<i><br />
</i><br />
<i>We're writing because you are in the top 5 percent of heaviest data users for this billing cycle. Because we recognize that data usage can change from month to month, you will not see reduced speeds this billing cycle.</i><br />
<i><br />
</i><br />
<i>Beginning with your next billing cycle, we'll send you a text message if you are approaching the top 5 percent of heaviest data users. We'll also send you a second text message if you cross into the top 5 percent of heaviest users, at which point you may see reduced speeds for the rest of the month.</i><br />
<br />
[and then they go on to tell me what i can do for them and their troubles. blah blah]<br />
<br />
<b>The response:</b><br />
<br />
My dear AT&T:<br />
<br />
I have a contract with you for unlimited data.<br />
<br />
Now: How much less money would you like me to give you? Until I receive a response, you are in breach of contract. Be careful; there's trouble ahead.<br />
<br />
Sincerely,<br />
<br />
JuanJuanolatorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01615850493069256437noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3344849.post-33531143466869018212011-11-26T19:54:00.000-05:002011-11-26T19:54:20.061-05:00Thanksgiving"like pounding sand down a rathole" -- Garrison Keillor, on Thanksgiving.Juanolatorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01615850493069256437noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3344849.post-45744583049950604692011-11-09T13:12:00.000-05:002011-11-09T13:12:52.954-05:00Autumn in New York<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-i22ltc--CT4/TrrCicejU3I/AAAAAAAABCI/lt-VsNIJzRo/s1600/SDC14128.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-i22ltc--CT4/TrrCicejU3I/AAAAAAAABCI/lt-VsNIJzRo/s320/SDC14128.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>Juanolatorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01615850493069256437noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3344849.post-10600758849208490442011-11-05T17:43:00.002-04:002011-11-05T19:52:27.707-04:00Handy Andy<div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><b><i><span style="font-size: x-small;">I don't think tea kettles need to be used to make tea to be kettles.</span></i></b></div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><b><i><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></i></b></div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><b><i><span style="font-size: x-small;">Why is the hot water tap always on the left?</span></i></b></div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><b><i><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></i></b></div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><b><i><span style="font-size: x-small;">Cameras used to be rooms you know.</span></i></b></div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><b><i><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></i></b></div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><b><i><span style="font-size: x-small;">What's the deal with pinking shears? They don't make anything pink.</span></i></b></div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><b><i><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></i></b></div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><b><i><span style="font-size: x-small;">I once tried to dry myself with a paper towel and my husband yelled at me. I don't know why; he's not a very good tree hugger.</span></i></b></div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><b><i><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></i></b></div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><b><i><span style="font-size: x-small;">Why can something be doggone but not catgone ?</span></i></b></div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><b><i><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></i></b></div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><b><i><span style="font-size: x-small;">I collect milk bottle caps; this one's from 1954. Eisenhower was president then. This one has a picture of a bear on it for some reason. This one's blue.</span></i></b></div><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;">bye bye, <a href="http://www.nytimes.com/2011/11/06/us/andy-rooney-mainstay-on-60-minutes-dead-at-92.html?hp">andy</a> (1919 - 2011, and always in our hearts, unfortunately for us)</span>Juanolatorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01615850493069256437noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3344849.post-10307961489174698722011-11-03T23:49:00.000-04:002011-11-03T23:49:48.902-04:00Two and a half men, right thereI don't think it's fair that I should be made to hate Ashton Kutcher's tits through the writing put across in Two And a Half Men. Seems a bit of an unnecessary <a href="http://www.google.com/search?tbm=isch&hl=en&source=hp&biw=1280&bih=721&q=ludovico+treatment&gbv=2&oq=ludovico+treatment&aq=f&aqi=g1g-S2&aql=1&gs_sm=e&gs_upl=1020l4564l0l4683l18l13l0l5l5l0l197l1101l1.7l8l0">Ludovico Treatment</a>. Is Chuck Lorre trying to de-gay us all in the most cost-uneffective way possible?<br />
<br />
Also, um... what? Careful with that prosthetic axe, Eugene.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-gydMD6r5Wu4/TrNgOQ0C3ZI/AAAAAAAABCA/cPvLUU9QD8Q/s1600/ridiculous.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="307" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-gydMD6r5Wu4/TrNgOQ0C3ZI/AAAAAAAABCA/cPvLUU9QD8Q/s400/ridiculous.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><i>I'm not looking there... I'm not looking there....</i></span></div>Juanolatorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01615850493069256437noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3344849.post-9366673304006072112011-08-28T19:05:00.001-04:002011-08-28T19:12:43.928-04:00In defense of New York<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-XlxDEiuDwKQ/TlrJVBy9YRI/AAAAAAAABBs/f7Sy4Z_4AL0/s1600/4.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-XlxDEiuDwKQ/TlrJVBy9YRI/AAAAAAAABBs/f7Sy4Z_4AL0/s320/4.jpg" width="170" /></a></div>New York does not like to be in the news. We don't like to hear about what happens, or does not happen, in New York. The last time we had our photo on the front page of the world's newspapers a lot of people died and we don't like that sort of thing.<br />
<br />
Some talk has been made about how New York is the world's most self-important city (fair) and how a stiff wind and some drizzling is eating up all the oxygen of the news media. I just want to go on the record and say we don't like this. We don't like it any more than you do.<br />
<br />
As the saying goes, people go to New York to be alone. True.<br />
<br />
We don't enjoy this coverage. We want it off the newspaper; that's certainly not helpful. We want it off the cable news. We want our local TV stations to just go back to showing old reruns of Seinfeld or golf on Sunday afternoon. There must be a soccer riot in Africa somewhere that can be screen-grabbed off YouTube. Or a bombing. Can we have a bombing, between commercials for a car sale in New Jersey?<br />
<br />
Just stop. Go about your business. This is not a party we threw, thus it's not a party you were invited to. Talk to us next week; I'm sure we'll have a meteor disaster or raining frogs or something else to talk about.<br />
<br />
Juanolatorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01615850493069256437noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3344849.post-63143040102331282922011-07-24T11:38:00.002-04:002011-07-24T11:51:58.892-04:00Say Goodnight, Gracie<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://gizmodo.com/5823357/watch-30-years-of-the-space-shuttle-in-one-single-launch" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-NAgfzGoYng4/Tiw3zopvP0I/AAAAAAAABBA/plrG2biU5p4/s320/gpw-200911-NASA-KSC-2009-6626-return-of-Space-Shuttle-Atlantis-STS-129-towing-NASA-Kennedy-Space-Center-Florida-20091127-medium.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br />
<div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;">(not STS-135 but still a nice photo; "beep beep beep")</span></div><br />
I was in second grade when the first Space Shuttle launched. My teacher had asked the day before if one of the students could bring in a TV for us to watch the launch in the classroom. This was before the days of DirecTV, the web (!), cable (for the most part), pretty much anything that involved TV in quantity vs quality. Broadcast TV in Puerto Rico at the time meant 3 stations and a scattering of wannabe's. The notion that "this is going to be on TV without commercial break tomorrow and we're going to watch it" was as big a deal as it sounds. Think Walter Cronkite-JFK assassination and then turn it around.<br />
<br />
I remember her closing the windows to darken the room (it was a small b&w set that someone brought in) and us sitting on the tiled floor up-front from our desks around the blue light, not really knowing what the deal was but.....<br />
<br />
3....2...1....<br />
<br />
and it took off. COLUMBIA.<br />
<br />
My other classroom memory of the Shuttle, sadly, was in seventh grade when the principal came in and just blankly said "it blew up". The teacher was not pleased, and not because her class had been interrupted.<br />
<br />
Thirteen lifetimes later, it seems, it's over. I'm not sad for the Shuttle program itself; there's always a better way to do something, even if it takes some time. Give it time.<br />
<br />
(link & image go to 30 years of Shuttle launches, with nice music)Juanolatorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01615850493069256437noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3344849.post-56286073174760172532011-05-20T01:13:00.001-04:002011-05-20T01:15:57.063-04:00Ben Stein is an AssholeI just want to say, for the record, that Ben Stein is an asshole. This is not a new thought of mine; he's just facilitating the publicity of it. I'm not suggesting that that French guy is guilty; I'm just suggesting that Ben Stein is an asshole.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://spectator.org/archives/2011/05/17/presumed-innocent-anyone">http://spectator.org/archives/2011/05/17/presumed-innocent-anyone</a><br />
<br />
... because he thinks that some people should be treated differently than others when it comes to crime process.<br />
<br />
In case you're wondering who Ben Stein is, this is what he looks like:<br />
<a href="http://www.blogger.com/goog_810658474"><br />
</a><br />
<br />
<img src="http://blogs.abcnews.com/photos/uncategorized/2008/03/30/ben_stein_080218_main.jpg" /><br />
<br />
Hi Ben! Good luck being treated like everyone else.Juanolatorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01615850493069256437noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3344849.post-52397630945395080382011-04-04T21:07:00.001-04:002011-04-04T21:07:45.848-04:00For those of you who have not yet found that special someone....<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-4Aiu-QZNhAI/TZprD31TOjI/AAAAAAAAA_U/UJPerq_mLTg/s1600/lu8px.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;">Click.<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-4Aiu-QZNhAI/TZprD31TOjI/AAAAAAAAA_U/UJPerq_mLTg/s400/lu8px.jpg" width="144" /></div><br />
</a></div>Juanolatorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01615850493069256437noreply@blogger.com1